I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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