you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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