Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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