My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need a beard to bite.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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