DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're a waste of cheezeits
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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