Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
