So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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