i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
