I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
