No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
