8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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