Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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