glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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