Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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