cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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