I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
