Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
