Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
