jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
