it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize