it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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