I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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