when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
