2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
