What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
