I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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