Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
