i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
