Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
