I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
