so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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