Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
