I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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