We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
