billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
