she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
