More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
