Kiss
Puke
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
