We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
