after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
