I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize