i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
