You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize