do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
