Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
