Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
FUCK WHALES
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