I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
