I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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