i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I currently don't understand fingers.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
