So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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