you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize