Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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