this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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