Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
