hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
A bitchslap is in order.
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