im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize