She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
