I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
