Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
