RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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