I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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