so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
