Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
