how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
