when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
