i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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