Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
